Westmount Community Shul @ WestmountRoutes.com


Laughter is the best Medicine. We, as a people, have always been able to laugh at ourselves. It's been too dangerous to laugh at others. Please note that these "smiles" are not intended to offend anyone.
Smile of the Month
July 2006 A Brooklynite tourist was strolling through Hong Kong when he spied a synagogue. He entered and, sure enough, he found a Chinese Rabbi and a Chinese congregation. Even though he spoke no Chinese, he was touched by the service. The rabbi stood by the door greeting his congregants, When the Brooklynite shook the rabbi's hand, the rabbi asked, "You Jew?" The man answered "Yes" The rabbi replied, "Funny, you don't look Jewish"! ________________________________________________________________________________________________
June 2006 A Texan is visiting Israel, and feeling thirsty, he stops at a house along the road. "Can you give me a drink of water?" asks the Texan. "Of course," says the Israeli, and invites the Texan to come in. "What do you do?" says the Texan."I raise a few chickens," says the Israeli. "Really?" says the Texan. "I'm also a farmer. How much land do you have?" "Well", says the Israeli, "out front it's fifty meters, as you can see, and in the back we have close to a hundred meters of property. And what about your place?" "Well", says the Texan, "on my ranch, I have breakfast and get into the car, and I drive and drive...and I don't reach the end of the ranch until dinnertime." "Really," replies the Israeli. "I used to have a car like that." ________________________________________________________________________________________________
May 2006 Evening Prayers When the young boy was asked by his father to say the evening prayers, he realized he didn't have his head covered. So, the young boy asked his little brother to rest a hand on his head until prayers were over. The little brother grew impatient after a few minutes and removed his hand. The father said, "This is important ... put your hand back on his head!" To which the little boy exclaimed, "Am I my brother's kipah?" ________________________________________________________________________________________________
April 2006 Water An Arab was walking through the Sahara desert, desperate for water, when he saw something, far off in the distance. Hoping to find water, he walked towards the image, only to find a little old Jewish man sitting at a card table with a bunch of neckties laid out on it. The Arab asked, "Please, I'm dying of thirst, can I have some water?" The man replied "I don't have any water, but why don't you buy a tie? Here's one that goes nicely with your robes." The Arab shouted, "I don't want a tie, you idiot, I need water!" "OK, don't buy a tie. But to show you what a nice guy I am, I'll tell you that over that hill there, about 4 miles, is a nice restaurant. Walk that way, they'll give you all the water you want." The Arab thanked him and walked away towards the hill and eventually disappeared. Three hours later the Arab came crawling back to where the man was sitting behind his card table. He said "I told you, about 4 miles over that hill. Couldn't you find it?" The Arab rasped "I found it all right. They wouldn't let me in without a tie. ________________________________________________________________________________________________
March 2006 High Street Shopping A Jew was walking on Regent Street in London and stopped in to a posh gourmet food shoppe. An impressive salesperson in a morning coat with tails approached him and politely asked, "May I help you, Sir?" "Yes," replied the customer, "I would like to buy a pound of lox." "No. No," responded the dignified salesperson, "You mean smoked salmon." "Okay, a pound of smoked salmon." "Anything else?" "Yes, a dozen blintzes." "No. No. You mean crepes." "Okay, a dozen crepes." "Anything else?" "Yes. A pound of chopped liver." "No. No. You mean pate." "Okay," said the Jewish patron, "A pound of pate. "And," he added, "I'd like you to deliver this to my house next Saturday." "Look," retorted the indignant salesperson, "We don't schlep on Shabbos!" ____________________________________________________________________________________ February 2006 It's 3:00 A.M. and Goldie wakes up to see her husband pacing the floor. "Melvin, why can't you sleep?" she asks him. "You know our next door neighbor, Sam. I borrowed $1,000 from him, and it's due tomorrow morning and I don't have the money. I don't know what I'm going to do." Melvin replies. Goldie gets out of bed and opens the window. "Sam," she shouts, and several times more, "Sam, Sam." Finally a very groggy Sam opens the window opposite her and yells back, "What, what is it...it's 3 AM, what in the world do you want?" Goldie says, "You know the $1,000 my husband owes you? He doesn't have it." She then slams the window shut, turns to Melvin and says, "now you go to sleep, and let Sam pace the floor." ________________________________________________________________________________________________ January 2006 Becky, who belonged to a synagogue group devoted to visiting and helping the sick members of her congregation, was out making her rounds visiting homebound patients when she ran out of gas. As luck would have it, a gas station was just a block away. She walked to the station to borrow a gas can and buy some gas. The attendant told her the only gas can he owned had been loaned out but she could wait until it was returned. Since Becky was on the way to see another patient and behind schedule, she decided not to wait and walked back to her car. She looked for something in her car that she could fill with gas and spotted the bedpan she always had handy for needy patients. Always resourceful, she carried the bedpan to the station, filled it with gas, and carried the full bedpan back to her car, which was decorated with many Hebrew decals and bumper stickers. As she was pouring the gas into her tank, two men watched from across the street. One of them turned to the other and said, "If it starts, I'm turning Jewish."